That single thought that fades with your consciousness as you close your eyes to sleep. The fear of flying because you know in any moment comes falling. The kind of thought that rob you off your own attention. Wanting something so much that every time you blink you can see it and every breath you draw is a second passing of you deciding whether you want it more than you are afraid of it.
If. Me, coming to you now and telling you that this is what I felt, why I pushed you away..if it would have change anything. Or maybe this is the price I pay for cowering to the ghost of myself that should never exist, to the monster I built inside my head to the fears that should have been my strength. Maybe if you didn’t give up on me, if you become the man who would fight for me even I pushed you away a thousand times before and a thousand times more. Then maybe there wouldn’t be what ifs. What if?