i fear the sea

I fear the sea. Not because of drowning or the creature lurking in its murky water. I am afraid to be imprisoned in its sinister depth, enclosed by perpetuity of darkness. Constantly, I thought the sea is a sad realm, with its boring moss color and chilly feel, with its pounding waves pulling you to its pits to keep you there eternally barred in the shadow cage of vast oblivion. I always stayed at the shore where little waves claw at my feet, alluring me to its territory, to try the waters, but I never give in. I know it’s all a ploy. I go as far as standing on massive boulder of rock by the shore, high enough that the striking waves couldn’t reach me. The wind tasted of salt, biting cold at my cheeks. I stare down at the menacing sea, feeling as though I got one foot on its chest on top of that rock. Only, I don’t feel conquest but shaking of the knees. I must have been trembling really awful and uncontrollably, because my feet skid on the edge, grazing my skin, until I’m no longer standing but plunging, and my heart caught on my throat as the titanic beast open its colossal mouth to receive me. Then two things happened; first I feel the force of the water as it engulf me and I waited for the worse things, secondly, there is no despair nor cells to imprison me.  I waited for the dread to approach but there is only darkness, and it is closing me in really fast, but I didn’t feel trapped or caged. To tell you the truth, I’ve never in my life feel free before, never feel as light as now. I let my entire body tune in to the rhythm of the sea; I embrace the void as it welcomes me. Draftiness is warming my body and fear dissolve like the shaft of light above my head. I swim deeper to freedom, never resurfacing ever again for I found my new world now. And I am to make up for those occasion I wasn’t here. I am to reside here forever, its darkness are my light.

 

-logan

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