Tonight is one of the nights wherein I had so many thoughts running inside my head. Thoughts about my ‘miserable life’, about dramas, chances I never took, opportunities I passed on.
You see, I’m almost on my 20s. I should not be acting like a teenager, and thinking like one for that matter. I should have been over the “I hate my life, stay away from me” or “rebellious” moment. I should have experienced a broken heart, confessions, nights walking hand in hand with someone, cuddle, kiss, etc. It was supposed to happen, but you see, I am not the person who take the risk. I know where to stop. I know how to play safe. And it was probably not very good at all, since at the end of the day, neither I lose nor won. So, it felt empty, for me. This is the reason why I wrote this. So I can look back and think, and probably regret the things I never took, or which I took for granted. The person I met, the guys who showed likeness towards me, the guys I liked and somehow loved. It’s all too much right now.
IF ONLY… this is the phrase that I dreaded saying, because it starting to sound common to my ears. “If only this and that and blah blah blah…” My nightmares are starting to eat me up alive, and tonight is probably one of those nights I wish never happens.
Oh, how melodramatic do I sound.