december

Thoughts are interrupted by the busy streets below, but on sleepless nights like this, i feel an unexplained sense of fear. i fear you, i fear the things that might be. as you get closer and what if, you don’t like what you find? are you going to run away as fast as the blur of cars i glimpsed at outside my window. are you going to leave a weighty anchor dragging me down as i drown in my own misery. what will you do? and what if, let’s say, i let you break these walls i built for years so that no one can ever see through me, in which way they can never hurt me. what if you did and i fall for you, because let’s admit it, you are pretty amazing and i don’t see why anyone wouldn’t. what if? am i going to succumb into emptiness again? wondering if there ever was wrong with me and if there is, tell me. i am helpless under your gaze, and if it seems like i don’t care, it took all my courage to act tough, but the truth is i crumble down at the sight of you. and this is the hardest part but yes you have the power to break me and i hope that you don’t do so.

-logan

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