Jealous

To those who wake up each morning with a purpose
To those people who can smile like nothing’s ever wrong with their lives
To those sharp, attentive, efficient people
To those who go out on dates
To those who design their walls, their nails, their shoes
To those who CAN sit in the park with friends
To those who are pursuing their real dreams
To those who can freely say ‘fuck you’ to anyone who stand their way
To those who are  happy, loud, comfortable and contented
To those who are happy, loud/meek, in love
To those who can drink until they throw up their brains
To those who help their parents prepare dinner
To those who can get a B- and will just laugh at it
To those who have friends who will laugh with you
To those who get to be who they want to be
To those who don’t give a damn singing even not on tune
To those who can sleep peacefully at night
To those who don’t just forget, or break things
To those who are sure of themselves who they are
To those who are not me.

Fears

I DONT WANT to let go just yet. Can you imagine it? Walking on your own? Hunting for jobs, working for your living, carrying that heavy feeling that your parents are waiting for your first pay, first treat? It is all too grown-up-ish to me. And I cant… I dont think I am up for that yet. Isnt it scary, mortifying, like you are out on a battlefield, with your  sword and armor clinking with your gears, but you never  had experience to swing, never once in your life, but then you are expected to be good at it, to be able to perform well like a hardcore killer not making mistakes. If I could freeze time right now. If  I can only keep this moment forever, with friends, with this carefree youth, with your happiness on your hands. I admit I am afraid of responsibilities. I am afraid that they will depend on me. That there will be an expectation on me. But the world is too large and I feel so small. I am not ready to be out yet. I feel like anytime, I can be easily broken, out there.